Hospital 5
I've been having at least a glass of wine every night before I go to bed. Tonight, I shared a bottle with my brother. It's funny how people deal with grief. My brother, the geneticist, went online and came up with what he admits is a crazy idea about curing my mom's cancer. Something about mitochondria. He's going to talk to her oncologist about it tomorrow. And then we distracted each other with stories from our everyday lives.
Today was a strange day. Good and bad. My mom's pain was better ... or, rather, better-managed. She did a pretty good job of recognizing when she needed to take her pain meds. They've started giving her OxyContin (20 mg) and that seems to be working pretty well. Tomorrow, my brother and I will pick up a prescription for both oral diladin and oxycontin for her to take by mouth at home. Yes ... if all goes according to plan, she should be home tomorrow.
The ultrasound from yesterday showed that her kidneys are functioning okay. The doctor also ordered an ultrasound for her legs to determine whether she was developing any blood clots (her legs have been in pain for awhile now, too). No clots. She's eating a little bit better ... mainly because we make her. They've taken her off of her IV and are beginning to adjust her to what life will be like at home as opposed to in the hospital (hydration and pain meds by mouth instead of intravenously).
We did learn, though, that I was right ... her liver is failing. We don't know any details just yet--my mom has told her doctors that she wants to know as little information about her condition as possible. The only reason I was able to get confirmation about her liver was because I was standing outside the hospital with my aunt when her doctor walked by (following the doctor out of the room after an exam, after all ... impossible). So we know that the albumin infusions have done very little. We know that her spleen has become enlarged because her liver isn't functioning properly. My brother and I plan on finding out what the prognosis is when we pick up her prescriptions tomorrow. In some ways, that will determine how soon I'll come back here. In other ways. I know I'll come back on Sunday or Monday. My dad needs me. He's lost and heartbroken.
My mom use to tell me that friends are great ... but when it comes down to it, they have their own families, husbands, wives, children. Another way she tried to convince me to prioritize marriage. I don't blame her for being so mistaken. How could I? All the offers to drop everything to come see me ... to make arrangements to take care of my furry-ball-of-death-by-headbutts ... for knowing the fucked up variety of distractions and sympathies that I need ... and just, just, just--how??? I don't know how. Thank you, with the fullness of my full full full full heart.
