Home.

I'm drunk and tired so don't know how articulate or detailed this post will be. The tone conveyed in that sentence doesn't quite work, though. Your challenge today: determine my tone. While juggling forty eggs. Or, you know, not. I'm a little tired is all. A lot tired actually.

My mom is home today. It was a long process. Very long. Even reflecting back on today alone feels like I'm reflecting back on an entire week, at least.

We (my aunt, my brother, and I) went to the doctor's office to pick up some prescriptions for her and to ask some questions. The doctor was very enigmatic ... a few weeks, and then some months ... til he finally settled on 6-8 weeks. Engimatic, but blunt. It was needed. The cancer is covering her liver. There are growths on her lungs here, here, here, and here. If not liver failure, then pneumonia or or or. Some chemo might help. If she wants it.

My mom is resting in her bed right now. I asked my dad to change the sheets this morning before we left for the hospital to bring her back. I've been rubbing her back and asking her about the book she's been reading (a copy of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants that I got for her). I try to give her normalcy.

She paces the halls--a little walking to help the distension in her abdomen. She leans against the wall as she walks. Those slow steps. Huddled. Small. How is she doing this? I massage her feet, her legs, her back ... and she doesn't mind. And then she stops and minds. I let her call the shots.

I'm okay. But I find myself talking myself through my actions. Telling myself I should turn down a street. That I should charge my cell phone. Out loud.

I come back home to Seattle tomorrow--and will likely come back here on Wednesday. She wants me to go back home to Seattle and then proceed to England. Do not pass go. It makes her feel, I think, that I will go on with my life and be everything she wants me to be when she's done. I'm willing to do everything I can to make her believe that--even though I KNOW I'm not going to England. She said she was glad to be back home. She's okay. Okay. It's okay.

I asked my dad to tell me when he wanted me back. He said, "Tomorrow."