Crab
Ugh ... first I feel like I need to apologize for the crappy/crabby post from last night. I was tempted to delete it a few times ... but then I kept talking myself out of it. Yesterday was one of those days when all of us were on edge--nostalgic, bitter, annoyed (with each other and with ourselves). I think a lot of you have heard me talk about the unwarranted remarks my mom would make about my weight through the years. My mom isn't the perfect mother ... but who is ... or what does that even mean? I've been having these moments when I'll remember the difficult times that I've had with her ... but I'm glad for that. They keep that whole compulsion to idealize the cancer victim in check. My mom, after all, is still my mom. What's nice is that at the end of the day (or, occasionally, the next morning) we know exactly the state of our devotion to each other ... and I know she's an incredible person.
But things are relatively stable here. That is, not too much to say. Some emotional setbacks have been manifesting themselves in more panic attacks. Tonight got a little on the bad side ... and a part of me wonders if that pressure in her chest is not so much panic as it is the elephant in her body. Of course, we're realizing how incredibly interconnected all of it is.
And some weird but good news. I got an e-mail this morning from British Airways telling me that my flight (I was supposed to leave for London earlier this evening) had been cancelled (a whole wing at Heathrow Airport had been shut down because of the terror alert). I called the airline just to make sure that, in the process of cancelling the record of the flight, they wouldn't also cancel my request for reimbursment (I faxed the letter over the weekend). Well, the very friendly gentleman on the phone told me, "Not a problem. Since the flight has been cancelled, I'll just go ahead and give you the full reimbursement. No fee." While I was on hold, I thought of ways I could flirt with him and then propose. Gratitude is a funny thing.
How is everyone?
