Distant

No movie-viewing tonight. My aunt is spending the night in the hospital with my mom. She's been anxious--and the meds aren't helping too much. She needs someone to sit with her ... and she's chosen my aunt to be that person. Which is fine--in many ways, she's exactly the right person.

But I feel very distant--in part because I didn't go to the hospital today. I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat--something that I felt coming on for a couple days. I decided I couldn't risk taking whatever it is that I have to the hospital with me. I think I'm feeling better now, but we'll see in the morning.

But I also feel distant because, today, that's how my body is deciding to cope. I don't like it.

My mom thinks that I stayed away from the hospital today because it's been too much for me to handle. She said on the phone to me that I need to face facts. Something like that--except not as mean sounding. I tried to reassure her that I really do have a sore throat. And it all reminded me of times in the past when we just didn't get each other. Unintentionally hurtful times.

I spent the day with my grandma, though, taking naps, telling stories, and watching game shows. I had no idea that she used to speak Nepalese.