My other car is a roller coaster

The results of the echocardiogram are in (what, like it's a competition?). The day my mom came to the emergency room (last Thursday), she had mild congestive heart failure. My mom's doctor assured me that "mild" meant mild ... and that she's been steadily improving. And then he told me, "So you REALLY should go to England." I thought, "Screw you."

Today was a rough day ... full of ups and downs. Each time I felt like she was doing better, something happened to suggest otherwise. The biggest problem she seems to be having continues to be her heart--she's having a rough time breathing; she's on oxygen for a good part of the day. The problem seems not to be the lung lesions, but the fluid that's collecting in her body. The lasix is helping to reduce the amount of fluid and salt in her system so her heart won't have to work so hard. And suddenly I'm feeling incredibly guilty for the dinner I brought her tonight--a noodle dish I had made her with probably too much soy sauce in it for someone who recently had mild congestive heart failure.

We had a scary moment this evening when my mom suddenly felt a pang in her chest area and went into panic mode. She looked at me and said my name ... I was sitting at the foot of her bed. My aunt and I rubbed her legs and arms. She held out her hands for us to hold them. My dad took off his glasses and started rubbing his eyes. Slowly, she calmed down.

I'm sorry for making you read all this. I wish I could share thoughts about gumdrops or something. Earlier today I thought it would be nice if I would just write a post about the simple, everyday thoughts I've been having--and the simple, everyday actions I've been doing. They do happen. I promise.

Tomorrow night, there's a good chance that I'll be spending the night at my aunt's house. We might watch a movie (she just got Blood Diamond and The Departed on DVD). So if I don't blog tomorrow night ... that's probably why.

I miss you all.