Seattle 3

I spent the bulk of today rereading Sandman from the beginning.

In #4, "A Hope in Hell," Dream attempts to recover his stolen helmet from a demon named Choronzon. Choronzon challenges him to a game in which each takes turns conjuring up beings or things that might defeat whatever the opponent summoned. If Dream wins (that is, if he conjures something that Choronzon cannot counter), he gets his helmet back; if he loses, he becomes a hell slave.

Choronzon starts with a wolf; Dream answers with a hunter on horseback; next a stinging horsefly to buck the horse and throw the hunter; and then a spider, catching the fly in its web. The battle continues--snake, buffalo, anthrax even--til Dream realizes how to beat Choronzon at his game. He escalates the scale of the battle; it quickly becomes planetary, gallactic, cosmic. Choronzon, in what he believes will be the winning stroke, conjures "anti-life, the beast of judgment ... the dark at the end of everything, the end of the universes, gods, worlds." Dream responds with "hope" ... leaving Choronzon speechless and defeated.

I spoke with my mom on the phone for a good twenty minutes today. It's been a long time since she's been able to hold such a sustained conversation. She usually tires very quickly these days. She exclaimed to me, "I have good news!!!"--and she reported to me that she had finally had a bowel movement. Morphine is painfully constipating and she had been stopped up for days, exacerbating her general discomfort (I'm just short of certain that she would be upset with me for sharing those details).

She also had a doctor's appointment today. She was talked into continuing some of her chemo treatment starting Wednesday. The doctor will lower the dosage, and also is only giving her one of the pair of medicines she had been taking. I asked my mom how she felt about it ... and she said she was okay with it. I think she actually meant it. She says that she's been managing well on the pain medication. And she's been eating fine. The doctor also gave her another prescription to help regulate her blood pressure--and some lasix to help relieve the edema in her feet and thighs. The doctor explained to her that he wants her to go back on treatment to help give her liver a fighting chance--if the liver is just a little better, it will start producing some albumin (which is still very low). All things considered, she seemed to be having a good day. She seemed ... hopeful. A part of me feels that that's ALL the doctor wants to produce in her--a sense of hope.

My dad's blood pressure was up to 200 (systolic) again. He went in to see his doctor, too, who prescribed him another medication in addition to the one he's already been taking.

I just bought a plane ticket for a two week visit that will start on Wednesday, the 13th.

And what I realized today is that hope and sad reality can coexist if you want them to--or maybe because they have to? I know things are bad ... but it was nice to be able to rest in hope for a bit today. Sweet dreams, Sandman.